


Test Subject

by Grace_Williams



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician), ] - Fandom
Genre: 2017, M/M, Minor Liam Payne/Sophia Smith, Mpreg, Single Parents, Xarry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace_Williams/pseuds/Grace_Williams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's another ordinary January, until Harry Styles manages to stumble upon something quite interesting. He's not quite sure how it happened, something to due with flicking through a 150 page booklet in the waiting room of the doctor's office. All he was doing was waiting for his annual STI and cancer checkup, but gee things escalated quickly. Now he's some sort of test subject.</p><p>I suck at descriptions. Read the prologue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Test Subject

"Are you sure about this Mr. Styles?" I nodded unsurely. Maybe I should ask for my family's opinion on this or something. "This is not a normal thing. You also, due to the research being conducted, cannot terminate the pregnancy at all intentionally. However the risk of miscarriage is exceptionally high, although not guaranteed nor impossible." He's not really asking questions but geez, this seems like an interrogation. I don't even know exactly what led to me being here.

A month ago I randomly picked up a 150-page obstetrician manual off the table in the waiting room of my local doctor and flicked through it. Now when you come across words about a man getting pregnant it's pretty interesting. I read more, stupid decision on my part. The English Medical Research Institute (EMRI) was trying to do something, see if it was at all possible for a male to get pregnant. Being my lonely and deluded self, I volunteered to be a test subject. I guess that's how I'm here.

One Direction. Ah, the famous boyband I'm apart of. Assuming it does work like they want it to, in 12-18 months time or whenever we agree on reuniting, I'm still going to have a small child. Why do I want a baby/child? Can I even take care of a baby/child? Do I realise what having a baby/child will do to my life? Will it hurt? Was I drunk when I decided to do this?

The answer to the last question is no. I was not drunk. Purely lonely and mopey. I've been kinda like that all year since our break officially started. It's now February, I'm not any less alone than I was a month and a half ago. I mean, let's think about why I did agree to this in the first place. I'm 'famous' and that means that it's not exactly easy to find a good relationship. Do they want me? Or my money? Or my lifestyle? My connections maybe? There's no way to really tell.

This leads to reason number one why I agreed. The fact that I can't find a relationship and I'm sure of it, I'll be forever alone. I want to love someone, not in the way I love my mother or sister. I've read that the love you feel for your child is stronger than any other love on the planet, I want to be able to feel that.

As a side note, my sexuality really doesn't make finding a companion any easier. There's the people who think I'm straight, I'll refrain from commenting there; those who think I'm bisexual because it's obvious I'm gay 'apparently', but think I've still had numerous girlfriends so have to like females; the ones who label me as pansexual, but gender does matter to me -then the gay believers. My biggest problem with this (astonishingly large) group of people is that most of them think I'm dating Louis. EW. Not Entertainment Weekly. 'EW' as in gross. Louis is like a brother to me and definitely one of my closest friends on the earth, but I could never date him. Not to mention the fact that he is straight. While we're on the topic of me liking Louis however, damn girl he got some fine ass booty.

Back to sexuality. Gay. There I said it. That doesn't mean I know it. I like women, they're cute and nice but I could never have sex with one. I like men, they're gorgeous and I would let some (*cough* Ricky Martin *cough*) ravish me and pound my ass through the bed. I think those statements sum up my sexuality.

"Um. Can I ask a question?" I raise my eyes to look at the doctor.  
"Why of course." He smiles back.  
"What's the procedure again? Explain it simply but with every detail please." I ask of him, so he nods before launching into the gory details.

"The most simple thing is obviously that you need a uterus. All of the male sexual organs will first be extracted, with just leaving the only connection to the penis being the bladder. In the space we fit in a uterus, fallopian tubes and such but no parts of a vagina. It's like a sealed off womb, there's no way for things to get in or out. This means that sperm must be implanted and a caesarean delivery must take place. Due to the risks and research surrounding this, you will be kept an extremely close eye on and be restricted from certain activities for the duration of the study.

The operation will be done in three parts. The first is the loss of male reproductive organs. We'll do this first and as soon as we know that you can comfortably let out wee and poo and are healthy, we'll continue. We expect it to be anywhere from 12-48 hours. Then comes the putting in of the female organs. There has been as many tests as we can possibly do, including one on an actual person -although not live, however we still can't guarantee it will work. If this second stage fails then unfortunately you will not be able to produce sperm again, although we can try. The third stage is the putting in of the sperm and if necessary, eggs. They may also have to be born prematurely depending on how they fit in your pelvic bones. Any questions?" Deep breaths. I need to take all this in.

"Where will all of the 'bits' come from? Like, the woman parts and eggs and sperm." I ask, it being my biggest query at the moment.  
"The eggs and organs will come from a woman who has donated her body to science, this being classed as scientific research. The sperm can come from a sperm donor or even yourself Mr Styles." He answers.  
"Me?!" My eyes widen.  
"Yes. If the sperm doesn't come from you then technically you're not even the biological parent Mr Styles." Okay, didn't think of that. I'll be this child's parent. Hopefully it's a good enough woman who's uterus I'll be taking. If something goes wrong, I just don't know if I want to sacrifice potentially all my reproductive organs and be left with nothing.

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo.

\-----------

"I um, I have some news for you both..." I trail nervously. I'm nearly getting a sex change for goodness sakes.  
"What is it Harry?" My mother asks softly, it being only her and my sister I'm telling this to right now.  
"I'm... Maybe I shouldn't do it. No! Geez, ugh." I ramble, albeit mostly to myself.  
"Spill it Haz." Gemma says.  
"I'm going to be pregnant." I whisper ever so quietly.

"What?" My sister is in pure shock and my mother in disbelief.   
"Harry, what are you talking about? You're a guy." Gemma says confusedly.  
"I'm part of a trial. They're going to replace my male sexual organs with female ones and try to get me pregnant." I explain.  
"Who the hell are 'they'?" Gemma asks.  
"The English Medical Research Institute."   
"Harry, darling, you know I'll support you through anything but I need to know you've thought about this. That you understand. This isn't just a quick thing to see how many people like cake, this is life long. 18 years at the very minimum." My mother talks like she's about to break into tears.  
"It's only 16 if they go join a boyband." I say causing her to chuckle.

"Know that I've thought about this long hard. I found out about it early last month and then got it confirmed that I can do it and got all the details. I want this. I don't want to have to wait for love I'm never going to find." I explain firmly.  
"You're 22! You've still got so much of your life ahead of you, this is so early to be throwing your life away." Gemma exclaims, causing me to lightly glare at her.  
"I'm not throwing my life away. I'm gaining everything." I reply.  
"Harry. I understand your reason's for wanting this but please don't make any irrational decisions." Mum says soothingly.  
"I know. I've been thinking about this long and hard, for months. They said I was a very good person to have as a subject due to my income and how well I can support the child. I want this, a lot. I didn't come for an opinion. I came to tell you and hopefully have your support through this." I say firmly.   
"Auntie Gem does have a nice ring to it." Gemma cracks a smile before both of them tackle me in a loving group hug.

"The operation's next week and I'll be in hospital for a week or two depending how things go."

\-----------

"I'm scared." I whimper quietly while gripping the life out of my mother's hand.  
"It's all going to be fine, you want this and you can do this. Deep breaths." She soothes.

I'm about to loose my sexual organs. I'm never going to be able to get a female pregnant ever again. I'm going to loose everything except for my ability to pee, everything else will be taken.  
"Harry, the theatre is ready now and you'll be taken in for surgery." A nurse comes in to notify me, after a final goodbye with my mother I'm wheeled off in the bed to the operating theatre. Then I'm gassed and slowly fade into sleep.

\-----------

"Egrh..." I slowly blink my eyes open and wince largely at the amount of pain in my lower abdomen. "Help." I wheeze out.  
"Oh Harry! Are you okay? How are you feeling?" My mother rushes over.  
"It really hurts." I cringe in pain.   
"Shall I go get the nurses to up your pain medication?" She asks so I nod my head feverishly, after my mother scurries off Gemma comes in.

"Hey little bro. How you feeling?" She chirps happily.  
"I literally just got my internal organs removed. Let me tell you, it feels like I was Jack The Ripper's next victim." I say harshly.  
"That's gotta suck. By the way, doctor said it all went very well and as soon as you can let out urine and faeces they'll move on. You could be pregnant in as little as a few days." She tells me, which is nice news.  
"That's good." I mumble, smiling a small and fond smile at the thought of being pregnant. "Pregnant..." I whisper.  
"Yeah, Harry. You can have a little baby. You're going to be an amazing parent." Gemma replies, softly smiling.

"Harry, it's great to see you're travelling well. More pain relief I hear?" The nurse says upon her entry.  
"Yes please." I reply, so she gives me a syringe of liquid and I gulp it all down. Every last disgusting drop.  
"That should come into effect quite quickly, 20-30minutes at most. Providing the doctors isn't called off to any unexplained emergencies and you can let things out the right way tomorrow, you can be in surgery tomorrow to get the female organs." She explains.  
"Oh... Gee. Wow. This is really happening." I mumble.  
"Yes, dinner will be brought in soon and then you can go to sleep." The nurse laughs before exiting.

\-----------

"What if it doesn't fit? What if it's not compatible with my body? What if my immune system tries to kill it? What if I'm in constant pain? Wha-"   
"Harry. Stop." Gemma snaps at me. "They've tested this in every possible way and they did it once a couple of weeks ago and everything worked out perfectly fine. Relax." She coaxes.  
"I'm just so scared. What if something goes drastically wrong? What if?!" I exclaim.  
"What if this is the best thing that ever happens to you and it makes your life amazing? Which I know it will once your child is born." They had taken me into the theatre for the second surgery and before they had the chance to gas me I had a freak out, anxiety like attack and because my mother wasn't at the hospital at the time, they had to bring Gemma in to calm me down. Older sisters are great for things like that.

\-----------

"24 hours and then you can take the first pregnancy test Mr. Styles. In a week or two you can have your first ultra sound and then go home." The doctor explains to me, as I just got out of my last surgery. Assuming nothing went wrong with phase three, I'm pregnant right now. Pregnant. I'm growing a living being and there's a living being inside of me. I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic with the results, which means that I'm experiencing nothing but euphoria at the possibilities.

\-----------

(August 3rd) Week 20: The baby, slightly underdeveloped, is about 12cm from head to bum. My bump is getting bigger and more noticeable, meaning it's harder to hide things.

Considering we're on a break where I'm doing this; Niall's playing a lot of sport -particularly golf-, Liam's making a future with Sophia and Louis' doing a lot of career things; none of them know yet. We're most definitely still in close contact and I've caught up with them, I'm just in looser clothing to conceal the bump whenever I'm in public. Oh and the tighter the clothes the so much more it makes you need to wee.

I haven't seen Zayn in far too long, since before I was pregnant but planning to be, so I think I need to see him again. We still talk of course and it might surprise some, but I feel like telling Zayn first. There's just been times when we've told each other anything and everything, I feel like now should be one of those times. Like earlier in the year when Zayn called me because he was freaking out over his album. He was paranoid about how good it would be and all the comparisons and hate he would get, of course I just relayed the truth to him. That he has millions of full supporters, will do well and that all of his close friends and family -including myself- have his back.

"Harry?" Zayn picks up the phone after a considerable amount of rings. His voice seems a little excited, like he's glad to be talking to me again.  
"Hi Zayn." I reply simply.  
"It's great to be talking to you again! What's been happening? Anything exciting occurred?" He asks, which I translate to 'tell me you're pregnant now'.  
"I have news but it's sorta huge but I'd rather tell you in person. Are you in the UK?" I say awkwardly.  
"I'm in L.A. at the moment and I won't be back for a while probably. I might not be back till September for Safaa's birthday, I'm not sure mate." He replies. "If you're not busy you can come over, or I can come over back to England because remember Harry; I'll be there whenever you really need me."  
"Now is kinda one of those times..." I trail. "Although I guess I could tell you over the phone but maybe you could just come see me in September. Oh and I can't come see you, I can't do air travel. Which has something to do with what it is."  
"I can come over by the end of the week, even a couple of days. I'll get everything I need to sorted and taken care of tomorrow then I'll be on my way over tomorrow night. I know that you need me Harry. Can you tell me, even if it's simply, what it is because if it's this big I might need to prepare myself." He says firmly, warming my heart.  
"Thank you so much. This will sound like the most crazy thing you've ever heard and you'll want to book me into the nuthouse but you have to believe me and I'll prove it when you get here. In the truest, least metaphorical, sense of the word... I'm pregnant."

\-----------

Week 26: It's 100% impossible to hide the bump, was a month ago, and people have been asking questions that I haven't answered.

Management and Simon keep trying to get in contact with me but I'm ignoring their calls and texts. I do feel guilty about it but right from the start I agreed I wouldn't tell a lot of people till after the baby's born. Reason one being I don't want to be harassed and reason two is that there's the constant fear in my head that something will go wrong in the birth and after all this I won't even have a baby.

He stuck to his word and Zayn arrived in less than two days and I had to show him the ultrasound pictures and explain it all to him in a lot more detail. He was very congratulatory about the whole thing and was with me when I told the other three boys. The five of us caught up, which in its self was an amazing experience because we haven't done that in far too long with our busy schedules, and by request it was at my place. They didn't question it and when they did arrive it was easy to tell they were all thinking questions about my weight but didn't say anything out of respect.

Liam was very nice and encouraging about it, Niall was ridiculously ecstatic and Louis was very confused. Obviously he understood what was happening because I had all the proof, he just had a hard time wrapping his head around it.

Now I'm on my to the obstetrician's because of the constant pain in my uterus, that started late yesterday. It's a dull fullness, like someone's inside my uterus and trying to push it. Like the baby's kicking but not pulling away, just constantly keeping its feet out.

\-----------

"Harry, we have to take you in for a caesarean now. I've just called the hospital and they're getting the room ready as we speak. An ambulance is on its way and the sooner we can get the baby out and into a stable INCU unit the better." The doctor tells me solemnly after only an ultrasound.  
"What?" I croak out weakly. "What's happening?"   
"The baby is getting too big for the capacity you're body is allowing and it needs more than your body is able to provide. I'd just like to assure you that you've done nothing wrong." The doctor says, causing my breathing to accelerate alarmingly. "Please calm down, you know that's not good for the baby." I nod feverishly and try to even out my breathing.  
"I need to call Gemma and my mum." I say just as the ambulance arrived and I was forced onto the stretcher.

\-----------

"Harry, your baby is fine-" the nurse starts before I quickly cut her off.  
"Where?! Where is my child?! I want see them! What is their gender? I need to name them!" I cry out in hysterics. My child was born fifty minutes ago and I haven't even got to see them yet. The doctors had to cut the cord and then whisk them away immediately to INCU to put them on life support. I don't even know the gender!  
"As I was saying. Your child is fine. They're on breathing machines and in an incubator because the lungs are underdeveloped and the brain is also underdeveloped. They are both expected to develop fully in the next few weeks and then you can take them home."  
"Oh my goodness..." I gasp quietly. I actually have a child. I, a male, actually managed to produce a baby in the year 2015. I need to go see them. "Can I go see him or her?" I ask softly.  
"Of course Mr. Styles, however you will most certainly have to be in a wheelchair. I'll go get one for you."  
"Thank you." I croak.

"I feel like I left at the wrong moment." Gemma says awkwardly when she comes back straight after the nurse left in after an hour of absence.  
"I have a baby, Gem." I reply, smile ridiculously wide and tears forming.  
"Oh my god! That's so exciting! Where? Gender? Name?" She squeals, running over.  
"I don't know much yet. They're in an incubator with a breathing machine in INCU and the nurse went to get a wheelchair so I can see them."

\-----------

The moment I see my tiny little child I break out into sobs and my mother rubs my back soothingly.  
"Gorgeous." I hiccup. "Can I...?" I ask the nurse, gesturing to the area around the genitals.  
"Of course." The man smiles at me.  
I lift it up slowly and carefully, scared I'll break them.   
"It's a girl!" I wail, my mum and Gemma quickly peering over my shoulder. "Evangeline." I whisper, only for my own ears. "When can I hold her?" I frantically ask the nurse.  
"I'm sorry but not till at least tomorrow. Maybe a few days. We have to be confident that she'll be fine out of the incubator." He replies sadly.  
"Oh." My heart drops and I stick to running my hands over her tiny hands and face gently while she sleeps.

After as long I could stay staring at my daughter, which was about half an hour, I'm wheeled back to my room.

"Do you have a name idea?" Gemma asks me.  
"Evangeline. It was my first thought so I have to follow my heart and just do it. I don't know a middle name though..." I reply.  
"I think Gemma's a pretty cool middle name." She winks, causing both mum and I to roll our eyes.

"I guess I should probably tell some people now. I don't want too many visitors till tomorrow though." I announce.  
"Fair enough. Do you want to call them?" My mum asks.  
"Yeah, can you pass me my phone?" My mother obliges and hands me my phone from my bag -which Gemma had to 'break into' my house and pack for me.

"Hi Dad." I say, voice constantly hoarse, when he picks up.  
"Harry! You don't sound good. Do you need help with anything?" He asks.   
"I couldn't be better. I have a daughter. She's alive but in INCU but alive and well. I have a daughter." I say ecstatically.  
"Wait, what? Harry, you've already given birth?" My fathers asks shocked.  
"Yeah. It was an emergency thing earlier this morning. You can come visit if you want."  
"I'd love to Harry. I'll be at the hospital shortly." He replies, clearly smiling. After I finished that phone call, I call Robin and any other family. Now comes the friends. Seesh this is going to be interesting.

"Hey Harry. As per usual I'm going to check up on if you're okay?" Zayn asks, same as every time I call him.  
"I've had the baby." I whisper.  
"Wait- what?!" Zayn screeches into the phone.  
"It's a girl, Evangeline. She's in an incubator and on breathing tubes. I haven't got to hold her yet but I should soon." I explain, smile wide.  
"Harry Edward Styles you have thirty seconds to explain yourself." Zayn says firmly, so I do. I explain everything from the doctors office, to the birth to visiting her in INCU. "That's so exciting. You just relax. I'll get around to telling everyone for you, absolutely all friends that you've told will be notified them today and I'll say you don't want visitors till tomorrow."  
"You're amazing." I shake my head, not believing I have such a phenomenal person as one of my best friends.  
"I'll be around sometime tomorrow."

\-----------

"I heard you requested a breast pump to express milk for Evangeline?" A midwife comes in with a breast pump. I'm nervous about this but I know I shouldn't be. Any man can breastfeed normally so this shouldn't be such a big thing.  
"Uh, yeah." I reply unsurely.  
"Breastfeeding can be done by any male, your pregnancy does help and it's probably going to be easier for you, but it's not something other men can't do." She explains.  
"I know."

After she shows me how to do it properly, it's actually quite easy. She said that my body reacted very well and that it's not usually that easy for anyone.  
"When you can hold her, probably and hopefully tomorrow, then we'll try and get her straight onto your nipples to try and make it as easy as possible. Until then we'll give her your expressed milk."   
"Um, my third and fourth nipple, they can't make breastmilk can they?" I ask curiously.  
"I don't think so but you're welcome to try. Considering they're so much smaller they probably either wouldn't provide the right milk as it may be missing nutrients or not enough milk." She says, causing me to nod.

\-----------

"Harry. You can hold her now doing kangaroo care." The nurse tells me around lunchtime the next day, making my head snap up immediately. I went straight to INCU as soon as I could that morning, which was straight after breakfast, and haven't left my daughters side since. My hand has been through the little whole in the side of the incubator constantly as I stroke and gaze at her.  
"Yes." I say immediately, causing the nurse to chuckle and walk over.  
"Okay, the point of this is to get her to stay warm from your body heat and be comfortable with your body so you'll need to undo the front of your hospital gown so she can be against your chest." I oblige, undoing the bows at the front of the gown and sitting comfortable and anxious in the wheelchair.  
"Ready?" I nod in reply.

The nurse reaches into the incubator and pulls out Evangeline, supporting her head and having the breathing tube set right as well. Soon enough she's in my arms and against my chest.  
"Oh my goodness." I sob quietly, holding her impossibly close to me. I can't believe it. I have a daughter that I made and she's mine. Her skin is really warm from the incubator and the blanket wrapped around her outside traps the heat. "When will she come off the breathing tube?" I hiccup, asking the nurse.  
"We're going to try in about three days but it's unlikely she'll be completely off it for a few days after that." He replies.

\-----------

"Hey mate, I'm so sorry but I probably can't be coming in today." Liam says on the phone disappointingly.  
"Oh. Is everything okay?" I ask in concern.  
"Not exactly. I was on my way in to see you and stopped for a coffee, bad idea. I've had a cluster of about 40 people, but steadily growing, on me for half an hour and it's not dying down. I don't want to cause a mob at the hospital." He explains.  
"Aw, that's not good. Do you need anything? You okay?" I ask in sympathy.  
"Nah, I'll be fine. Soph and I will come around once you get out of hospital but until that, all the best and congratulations." Liam answers.  
"Okay, that will be anywhere from 1-3 weeks but see you then I guess." I reply.  
"Bye Hazza, can't wait to meet her."  
"Bye."

\-----------

"You can leave with Evangeline anytime today once everything's organised." The social worker says, coming into the room just after I finished getting changed. I gave birth about two weeks ago, Evangeline came off the breathing tube three days ago -which was longer than anticipated- and the doctors had to make sure my body was doing okay as well as Evangeline's.  
"Okay. What else needs to be organised?" I ask.  
"A few things. Firstly, what are your living arrangements going to be?" She asks.  
"Well I can't really do much for another month because of my surgery recovery so I'll be living with my mother for that time and afterward until I find a new house. I'm looking for something more child friendly." I explain.  
"Right, that's fine. However I presume you will want to take her on tour with you and your band next year, which involves air travel?"   
"Yes, of course."  
"Okay well she can't go on a plane till 6months due to the rules of the research conducted and just keep in mind that most of the other rules you had to follow while pregnant for the study still apply for you and Evangeline. This includes that she must be fed your breastmilk and your breastmilk only till six months." She tells me, my head nodding along.  
"I know." I answer.  
"The very last thing is the matter of the birth certificate. If that's filed before you leave that's probably easiest."  
"Yeah, I've been having trouble thinking of the first middle name. I'll buckle down and look through baby name lists and pick one before I go." I chuckle. She nods and replies.  
"I don't think there's anything else, if you have any queries you can call me anytime but I think this is where we part ways for now. I wish you and Evangeline all the very best."  
"Thank you." I smile as she leaves.

I huff and sit down onto the bed, staring blankly at the birth certificate form.

Child  
Surname: STYLES  
Given Name(s): Evangeline Anne  
Sex: Female  
Date Of Birth: 14 September 2016  
Place Of Birth: Redfern

Mother  
Surname:  
Birth Surname (if different):  
Given Name(s):  
Occupation:  
Age: DECEASED   
Place Of Birth:

Father  
Surname: STYLES  
Birth Surname (if different):  
Given Name(s): Harry Edward  
Occupation: Singer/Songwriter  
Age: 22  
Place Of Birth: Redfern

Most of its already filled out, I just need Evangeline's first middle name. Evangeline BLANK Anne Styles. I feel like I have to make her middle name Anne just because my mother was so important and influential for me.

\-----------

That was the worst nights sleep I've ever gotten in my life. It was the first night home with Evangeline and I already made the plan for her to sleep in my bed with me but it's still tiring having to wake up to feed her so often -at least with the breastfeeding I didn't have to get out of bed.

"Morning mum." I greet, walking downstairs with my daughter in my arms after I changed her.  
"Hi." She smiles. "How did you sleep?"  
"I don't think I've ever slept worse." I reply, putting Ev in her high chair.  
"You'll get used to it honey." My mother replies for comfort.  
"Yeah, I'm at least glad I'm breastfeeding so I don't need to get out of bed to feed her." I answer, trying to find something for breakfast.  
"Harry, I've already made you breakfast. One of those omelettes on the table is for you." My mother says, causing me to look up and across to the table.  
"Oh right, sorry, I'm just really out of it." I reply, sitting down at the table.  
"It's fine. As I said, you'll get used to it soon enough. Then they'll be growing up so that's not a problem, then they'll turn into an adult and have children of their own." Mum says, getting teary eyed.  
"It's okay. I'm still your little one if that's what you want to call me. I'll always be your baby." I say as I hug her and rub her back soothingly.

\-----------

"She's so cute!" Sophia gushes down at Evangeline, who's in my arms.  
"What did you say her name was?" Liam asks.  
"Evangeline Mackenzie Anne Styles." I reply fondly.  
"That's quite a mouthful." Liam chuckles.  
"Yeah, Ev or Eva for short I guess." I shrug.  
"I can't believe you actually managed to make a baby, but she is adorable and you're an amazing parent." Sophia says.  
"Yeah, don't jinx it too soon; I've only had her three weeks. Did you want to hold her?" I chuckle.  
"Sure, if you don't mind."  
"Of course not, just support her head and be gentle. Here." I lay Ev in Sophia's arms and watch as Sophia looks so comfortable and at peace with a baby. "You two should start having kids. You'd be an amazing mother."  
"Thank you Harry, speaking of which, we actually have some news." Sophia grins widely, making me raise my eyebrows in confusion. "We're engaged!" She bursts, causing Ev to furrow her face together and oh damn she's about to cry. There it is, now there's tears pouring down her face.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry. I should've known better, I should've expected that. Harry I can't apologise enough." Sophia rambles apologetically as I take Ev back into my arms.  
"It's fine Soph. Don't worry about it. All babies cry a lot, it's fine. Calm down. Congratulations also." I try and reassure her. Sure it's a little frustrating that babies cry at everything but there's nothing I can do about it and it's not really Sophia's fault.  
"Thanks mate." Liam nods. I comfortingly bounce Ev but she's not having it, she keeps continuing to cry.

"She must need a change, which means it wasn't even your fault in the first place Sophia. Just a coincidence they lined up, I'll be back shortly." I explain to them. After going upstairs, changing Ev and then coming back down again; I see that Liam and Sophia have moved into the kitchen.

"Now that's all sorted. Where's the ring though? How did I miss it?" I reply. Sophia pulls the ring out of a secured section of her handbag and slips it onto her ring finger. "You hid it! I'm appalled." I reply, faking hurt.  
"Did you want a cup of tea?" Liam asks while I'm inspecting Sophia's gorgeous ring.  
"That's sounds lovely. Did you need anything?" I reply.  
"Nah, I'll be fine. You can sit down and relax." He assures me.  
"Thank you. So how long have you been engaged?" I ask.  
"About a week." Sophia replies.

\-----------

Babies grow up so fast. It's the week before Christmas and Ev is already more than three months. I've tried to limit how much I take Ev out in public and where but I have a feeling today's going to be so much worse. I should've forward planned this better than shopping in London eight days before Christmas for presents. There's so many people here. Even if I didn't have Ev I might not survive this. I guess having Ev and taking care of her just made me forget about Christmas presents -and it's too late for any online shopping to arrive.

I grab the pram out from the boot of the car -which I had purchased due to the birth of Ev-, and it wasn't till I had a child that I realised how valuable boot space is, before going round to grab Ev. I strap her in before shutting the door, locking the car and venturing from the underground car park into the shopping centre. Hopefully my trackies, hoodie with hood up and sunglasses hide me well enough.

Shopping with a baby isn't too much different than normal shopping, except you have to stop every half hour to tend to something. Whether that be feeding, changing or boredom of the child; there's something.

I bought a new house last month but it took quite a while to find a decent one. The aim of the new house was to get something family friendly and was either highly protective or blended in. I didn't want anything too lavish or attention seeking.

I've got a three bedroom house with one bathroom, additional powder room, kitchen, dinning, sitting, single garage and large garden. It's in Middlesex, forty minutes from London and two and a half hours from Holmes Chapel. It looks like any ordinary house inside and out, although I did redecorate when I moved in.

\-----------

WHO'S CHILD IS THAT?!

Okay people, this is not a drill. We repeat. Not a drill!

Harry Styles is perfect right? He looks gorgeous, sounds gorgeous, behaves gorgeously; all that. Now Christmas is exactly seven days away and it seems that we're not the only people that leave present shopping to the last minute -Harry does too.

Harry was shopping in London yesterday for Christmas presents -from what we can gather about the items- but he had a pram with him. With a child in it. It was seemingly just him and the child but the big question here is; who's child is that?! Maybe he's adopted? Or he was babysitting? Look, if men could get pregnant we'd totally go with that. We're getting a bit suspicious.

He was getting noticeably bigger in August -even a little in July- then disappeared from the earth for all of September, October and most of November. Now he has a child, whomever's it may be, and although no pictures of the child have surfaced yet we can conclude it is a very young infant. Maybe the name's Evangeline and that explains the completely random tweet from September 16th?

@Harry_Styles: Evangeline.

Anyway you look at it, Harry has been hanging out with a baby recently *cue fanfare of exploding hearts* and he got us believing a man get pregnant. Maybe it's Louis'?

Seriously though, comment your thoughts below about who's child you think it is?

I groan and sink deeper into the couch. This isn't good. I don't even know what to do. I can't really deny it but I don't want to admit it. When I'm me, how do am I supposed to hide someone? Hide anyone? I guess I'll just keep staying silent. Then what do I say next year in the interviews?

\-----------

I can't believe it's already January. We're signing the new One Direction contract with a new management, therefore having to reface a lot of the old stuff because apparently we're not allowed to use the copyrighted stuff. Evangeline's already four months old, she can go on a plane in March -which is convenient because I haven't been to L.A. in a year and I need to fix up my house over there. Decide if I still want one and if so, my current one or new one. Ev can move completely by herself and is just about to learn how to crawl, then walk. Wow, they really do grow up so fast.

Harry Styles - Liam Payne: I'm not sure who I should notify about this however it just remains important that the car park stays clear for safety reasons.

Liam - Hazza: sure mate im on it see ya soon

I was in the underground carpark of the building for the new management meeting and so far so good, no troubles. It could quite possibly be only a matter of time though because there were hoards of people out the front of the building -apparently they got the memo.

Soon enough I'm pulling Ev out of the car in the baby carrier, deciding I don't need to get the pram out for this, and making my way into the lift. When the lift door opens I can easily see through the expansive glass walls to the meeting room; everyone else already there.

"Hi, sorry I'm late." I apologise as I step in the room.  
"It's fine Harry take a seat." One of our new managers, Ted, replies as I sit down -gently resting the baby carrier with a sleeping Ev on the floor.

"Now Harry, word is that you never told your last management about your child, correct?" The other manager, Steven, asks  
"Yes. I wasn't breaking the contract though as one of us getting pregnant wasn't explained." I reply.  
"Yes, well, I don't think it's something they anticipated." Steven chuckles.

"Back onto the specifications of the contract, is everything as we arranged?" Louis changes the subject, clearly being the most business oriented of the four of us.  
"I believe so but you're all more than welcome to read it through as thoroughly as you'd like. Unfortunately you can't leave the room as you could change the document without our knowledge. We're going to go so that you can have an open discussion between each other." Ted says, the both of them leaving the room.

"Who wants to volunteer to read the contract?" Louis says, disgustedly looking at the thick document.  
"I'll do it." Niall volunteers, snatching the papers of the table.

"Blah, blah, blah. There's nothing bad in here." Niall skins over, flicking through the pages.  
"We thought that last time. You didn't read it properly." Liam rolls his eyes, taking the contract. After much more bickering and discussing of the contract, we agree to call Ted and Steven back into the room.

"Is everything as you wish in the contract?" Ted asks.  
"Yes, we believe I so. I just need the guarantee of privacy for Ev and I." I reply.  
"We will endeavour to protect all of you, however particularly Evangeline, to the best of our abilities." The answer suffices so I hum in acknowledgement.  
"I think we're ready to-" Liam begins before Ev's crying pierces through the room. I immediately reach down to pick her up and this, this is the 'feed me' cry.  
"Sorry, continue. I just have to feed her. Carry on, I'm listening." I apologise, making them all smile at me as I pull my top down and begin breastfeeding her.  
"As I begun, I think we're all ready to sign it." Liam finishes.  
"Yeah, shall we do it lads?" Louis asks, grabbing a pen and reaching forward. We all sign the contract but all seem a little scared to, knowing just how badly the last one turned out.

"As you will be aware of, the contract is only twelve months as that gives you more flexibility however changes can obviously be made if we all agree." Ted declares, picking up the contract we've all signed.  
"Okay, I think you can go. We'll have another meeting next week that will me much longer to talk about tour, music and such." Steven adds on. We all bid farewell and shake hands before the four of us, as well as Ev who is still feeding, walk into the lift.

"I heard you moved house?" Niall says to me as the lift slowly gets lower.  
"Yeah, moved in in November. It's in Middlesex. It's a simple and small 3 bedroom." I reply; Ev making the usual fuss she does when she's finished her feed so I pull her off and make sure she's sufficiently burped.  
"Nice. We should all come round. When are you busy?" Louis asks.  
"Never and always." I chuckle. "How's wedding planning going Li?"   
"Not too bad mate, Soph's quite efficient. The wedding should easily be this year -probably in the next six months " He shrugs in reply, the doors opening and us all stepping out into the car park. "Speaking of which, Soph's making me ask if Evangeline will be the flower girl."  
"Depends if she can walk by then. Give it another 4-6 months, she can nearly crawl." I reply.   
"I'll let her know." He laughs. "Hey, would it be inconvenient if we dropped around now?"   
"Nah, once I get home and change her I'll be putting her down for a nap anyway. I'll text you guys my address and then you can drop round." I reply, going to my car and securing the baby capsule in the back seat.

\-----------

"Welcome back to L.A. all of you. I haven't seen you since near the end of 2015, so we haven't caught up in a while." Ellen begins. We arrived back in L.A. a few days ago and it's already April -I can't believe how quickly time has flown by. Ev is already seven months.  
"Yeah. We haven't seen each other in a while. How are you?" Liam asks.  
"I'm good. How are you four? What did you get up to in your break?" She laughs.

"I just played a lot of sport, like golf and tennis." Niall shrugs.  
"Payno and I were both pretty similar. Just being really lazy. It was nice to not have a schedule or have to do anything. Obviously tour is great fun but it's nice to have those times were you can just do nothing and chill out." Louis says. Now it's just me. Just me. Me.

"Harry?" Liam asks, snapping his fingers in front of my face.   
"What? Oh, um. Yeah." I say, having been lost in thought.  
"What did you get up to last year?" Ellen asks me. She knows about Ev, I told her and she met Ev backstage. She also knows I'm planning to tell people. I figured -first interview of tour but also a really friendly, supportive and accepting person- there's no better time.  
"I, uh, I had a-" I stop to take a deep breath and Niall whispers to me,   
"We've got you H."  
"Daughter. I had a daughter." I finish. Ellen is beaming encouragingly, the boys look protective and the audience had an array of mixed reactions.

"She's precious. I met her backstage. How old is she?" Ellen says.  
"About seven months." I reply.  
"She was actually born the day after my birthday." Niall adds.  
"I guess everyone wants to know this, so I'll ask on their behalf, who's the mother?"   
"It's going to sound really bad, although weird, when I say this but I don't actually know." I say, having loosened up. Everyone's looking at me as if I need more of an explanation. I explain the research aspect, the process briefly and her being born early.

"Now you're going on a tour called Aftermath this year, it starts at the Staples Centre later this week; how excited are you all for it. Have you been rehearsing?" She diverts the conversation to our careers, which I'm very glad about.  
"Yeah. I think we're all really excited to get back out on the road. We've been rehearsing in England for just over a month now." Louis answers.   
"Okay, now we have some fan questions. First one; what song from your last album 'Made In The A.M.' are you most looking forward to performing? We'll go through each of you." She says.  
"I'm gonna have to go with A.M." I answer.  
"I'm gonna go with Drag Me Down. It's a really fun and upbeat song." Niall says.  
"It's gotta be What A Feeling for me." Liam says, not surprising any of us three.  
"Definitely If I Could Fly." Louis adds definitely.  
"What song do you think is the saddest you've ever written?" Ellen reads out.  
"Love You Goodbye is really sad. Spaces, or Half A Heart?" Niall starts.  
"We didn't write that though." Louis interjects.  
"You didn't write it?" She asks.  
"No. We didn't write Half A Heart. Fool's Gold? Night Changes? Once In A Lifetime? Although I think Spaces could be it." Louis adds.  
"Maybe Summer Love?" Liam suggests.  
"It's not the saddest though. Any of the songs Ed Sheeran has given to us are all sad, like Moments or 18." I put in my opinion. "I reckon for the ones we've written it's got either be Love You Goodbye or Spaces."  
"I think we ruled out Night Changes. Go with those two, whatcha reckon lads?" Liam says.  
"Yeah, those two." Niall agrees, and Louis and I nod.  
"Love You Goodbye and Spaces then are the saddest songs you guys have ever written. Last question; which country had the worst fans?"

"Ooh!" Louis says, smirking. "Well I don't think we can say that but I also don't know what it would be."  
"It depends what you mean by worst." Liam says.  
"Yeah, like someone countries are more sexual and some mob more than other countries." Niall adds.  
"All the fans are lovely." I smile.  
"Let's go with what country has the most sexual fans." Ellen says.  
"Well like, the fanfiction and the fanart can be really inappropriate but I don't think that's a specific country." Louis says.  
"All the fans are pretty sexual." Niall laughs.

The interview wraps up pretty soon, then we perform Drag Me Down and then we're back in the dressing rooms and behind stage.   
"It was adorable. She was pointing and giggling at the screen when you were on it. It was so cute." Gemma is immediately on me, explaining it all. The moment I officially told my family the tour dates I would be away, Gemma instantly started bugging me to bring her. I would have just left Ev with Lottie during shows and interviews and things (Lou unfortunately can't tour with us anymore because Lux started school) but Gem insisted. I mean, firmly insisted.  
"Is that so?" I coo, placing my daughter on my hip. She smiles and pokes my cheek before pointing erratically at the television and gurgling incomprehensible noises.  
"She's seriously one of the cutest babies ever." Gemma declares. "It makes me want one."  
"Pregnancy is awful." I chuckle, shaking my head.

\-----------

2017 went relatively well and as expected. We toured and managed to visit as many places as we ever had put together, doing more than one show in only places as big as Tokyo or New York. Pretty much only one show everywhere.

Evangeline turned one and it was a small gathering, only 10-20 people. She enjoyed it, even if she didn't understand what was happening. When I first took her on a plane, I was definitely not going to keep the house in L.A. and would rather drive across countries and continents than take her on a plane. However, the second time we went on a plane -there was no other option- she giggled and smiled the whole flight. This was due to the window. Turns out if she can see out the window she'll be better than fine and if she can't she'll be everyone on the plane's worst nightmare.

Tour -as mentioned- went well and from March to October. After tour Ev and I decided to stay in L.A. until Christmas. I bought a new house and sold my old one, once again looking for something more family friendly. I managed to get a nice house that backs directly onto the beach in Venice California. It's lovely.

It's significantly less modest than my house in England but it's still a great family home. Three bedrooms, all with an ensuite and balcony -not that I'm sure an infant needs that-, stunning kitchen, extra toilet, substantial utility room, great entertaining spaces etc. It was quite expensive but I think a lot of that is to do with the fact it backs onto the sand.

When we were in L.A. after tour, I was just like any other single father -with a dating life. A little older than me and a very good friend of mine. We went on many dates in 2015 and were dating, albeit not publicly, but not officially boyfriends or a couple. He lives in L.A. so when I couldn't come over here for all of last year we drifted apart. We got back together recently and everything's been running smoothly. Casual dates and nothing over the top. He adjusted to Ev smoothly and easily, as she did to him. It's adorable how paternal he is.

The album we released in 2017 had the most varied song styles because they were songs we had written with a lot of different people over the span of two years rather than the usual one. We signed our management contract for another year -to do a 2018 tour. Again, rather smooth. Massive events included Zayn releasing another album, two years on from his first one, and winning our first Grammy. Only took us six albums.

We decided to not record in 2018, still write casually because that's just who we are, but not make anything. This led to no album -intentionally- being released. This led to not another tour. It wasn't the end of One Direction, I don't think that'll ever come, but we just all decided that we had gotten to a point where our family lives needed to overtake our work likes. Ev was talking and needed to start pre-school soon, Liam and Sophia had been wanting a child but decided they had to wait and were getting impatient, Niall had a serious relationship and Louis was engaged.

I've gotta say, the hashtag they did when we announced the overtaking of our personal lives was one of my favourites ever. #OurFamilyToTheirs was about them as a family supporting our families.

That was so long ago. Five years. It's 2023. Evangeline is seven, Xander and I have been married three years, we have twins that are four and I'm pregnant. All three children and the future one have the surname Styles-Ritz. The twins were adopted from a foster home right near Xander's hometown a year ago, their parents suffering from severe substance abuse. Maxine and Ashley, girl and boy, are amazing kids.

I haven't been pregnant since Evangeline and turns out, my womb still works. The father is technically Xander, as we felt he should have some biological connection to at least one of our children, however a solution established to fix the problem of the child not being mine is that we used Gemma as our egg donor. It sounds weird but I promise there's no incest, just my sister and my husbands child. It means this child gets both of our DNA, not heaps of mine but still similar genetics.

As much as I loved our last house in L.A. so much, yes that's where we chose to live, we had to move to make room for the twins. Now it's a five bedroom, thank goodness considering this child on the way, but doesn't back into the beach.

\-----------

One Direction drifted further apart and delved more into our personal lives ten years ago now. We all have children, are good friends still and have considered making more music together again but haven't fully arranged anything. As Louis and Liam run a music company as well as produce music together, Zayn and Niall both write music/songs and I'm a stay at home father who does some writing on the side; nothing has been locked in. Liam and Louis are definitely the closest, they would have to be considering they run a business together, but the rest of us aren't on that level. I probably see Zayn the most, as we're the only two that live in the U.S.A., and the two of discussed making more music but he's hesitant. I can understand why, he's made three solo albums since he decided to part ways from us professionally but there's just be so many advantages over last time.

We all have spouses and children, ranging from 12 to 1, so if we did make music we would barely be able to tour at all.

\-----------

We did decide to make music together again. Everything could be done the way we wanted it to be done because two fifths of the group, yeah we convinced Zayn to join us, are some of the most powerful people in the music industry now and there was no one to tell us what to do. We could make music that was us. We each wrote some songs ourselves them brought them back to the group, wrote some together and then decided what we liked and didn't like.

The fans were still plentiful but the biggest difference for everyone was that we weren't One Direction. We agreed not to have a group name and we made it work. We're just five mates, five lads, five guys, five blokes; or just Louis, Liam, Harry, Zayn and Niall. Or whatever order our names happen to be in.

We've done no tours or concerts, just shows where we aren't the organisers or only performer. We just perform how we feel or plan something between the five of us, wear whatever we want, look however we want and perform on a standard stage with no fancy extras. Our album was plain white with black writing that said 'Our new album by Zayn, Louis, Niall, Liam and Harry' because we didn't want to design anything extravagant or do a photo shoot. Right now we're all about the music and we love it. We all laugh about it and say 'we should never stop' because we're all doing what we love with no strings attached and nothing over the top. No photoshoots and minimal performances, generally only at awards shows and charity events.

\-----------

Evangeline Mackenzie Anne Styles-Ritz, Maxine Sarah Styles-Ritz, Ashley Harrison Styles-Ritz and Austin Levi Styles-Ritz. Two girls, 15 and 12; as well as two boys, 12 and 8. Evangeline recently started high school, the twins middle school and Austin is midway through elementary school. I love all four of my children unconditionally and so much. Xander goes to work, he enjoys what he does, and I'm a stay at home parent. Let me tell you there will definitely not be anymore children, there was a reason I held off pregnancy for seven years after the first time.

Xander and I are completely normal parents with four children but we both consider ourselves to be one of the luckiest families ever that has two fathers. I can't believe we have two children that are ours, that I gave birth to. That's something pretty special. I don't love any of my four children any more or less than one of the others, it's just a unique and amazing way I got two of my children. It's also amazing how I got the other two, Xander and I both feel special that we got to save and help them from an unhealthy environment. All the kids are equal.

They really do all grow up so fast. Even till the day I die I couldn't be more thankful that I was a test subject.


End file.
